What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
