im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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