I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize