nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
