You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
