is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
