But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
whose ass print is on the piano?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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