I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
