hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
