South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
