hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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