If i come over, it means nothing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
