You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
