between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
