He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
