I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
