maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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