Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
