your parents love me but you hate me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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