Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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