the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
