I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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