I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
