I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
