Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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