I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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