At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize