3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
