I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
