I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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