It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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