I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize