youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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