this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize