do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Randomize
