At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
