my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
