I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
