When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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