You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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