porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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