Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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