I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
