I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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