What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
