If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize