gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
