you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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