I want to make a zoo with you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
