I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
false alarm, still single
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