Rock
Scissors
Fuck
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's get the cat blown out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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