Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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