why didn't you poke me back
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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