even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you didnt know i had herpes?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize