and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
