My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
