he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
