The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
