He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
