She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
