How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
