hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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