In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
