fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
