Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
