there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
