He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
