he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
