Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
